This is existence – my existence: the fragile, dispersed family. Work. Activities and friends, dear ones, at church.
At other times there have been social-justice actions – always modest, never self-sacrificial.
There are hours and hours of isolation, and I find my confidence is dwindling as I get older. It’s hard to look in the mirror now, the changes brought by age are so many and I do not find them lovely.
Maybe I would embrace all of my existence with desperate love if it were threatened. One alarming phone call from the doctor might be enough to suffuse every instant with radiance. But that is not what has happened. I am here, I live and breathe. I support causes and people. I have no other value. Long ago, I chose isolation. Isolation chose me.
I say Morning Prayer or Evening Prayer every day. So we could say I talk to You frequently, through the medium of those traditional words. I don’t know how to talk to You straight up. You never reply. There used to be someone who replied. Now there isn’t.
December 9, 2020 COVID-19 Infections and Deaths