At my newish job, I’m still learning systems and processes. I always record the Teams meeting when someone shares their screen and shows me the Box location, the Sharepoint site, the Development server, the transfer directory, the template, the form, etc., etc. When I need to follow a process, I dig up the relevant .mp4 and review it.
Every time I look at one of those videos, I’m pretty horrified at how I sound. The person I deal with most often tends to ramble, and sometimes does not hear what I say. I’d like to say that I speak in a curt, abrupt way because that’s the only tone that succeeds in getting my coworker’s attention, but that would be only partly true. I speak curtly and abruptly because I am practically crawling out of my skin with impatience. The impatience seems to radiate from the screen, and it meets up with the fresh impatience I feel as I review the video.
Irritability is an old companion of mine, and it’s spending more and more time with me as the days of isolation pass. I have to find ways to handle it. I can’t be rude and cold to someone who is trying to help me. I hope I’m overreacting to how I sound on the videos, but I can’t tell if I am. I have to get a grip.
Therefore, I’ve come up with a plan:
- Exercise to exhaustion every day. This is hard to do since joints don’t obey the way they did when I was younger. But I need to find a way.
- Find more ways to connect with people outside of work. Walks and phone calls are good.
- Drink less coffee.
- Take many deep breaths.
- Ask my coworkers if they can hear me, or if I speak too softly.
- Give thanks for employment. Give thanks again.
I don’t feel like praying to You and I haven’t prayed Evening Prayer in weeks. I recite the Phos Hilaron when I’m walking at dusk, that is all I can manage.
It is strange that my thoughts about You recede when I write about work. I could start to berate myself, but I think about how human beings have always had to work, and how demanding it is. It simply does take up your mind, and many kinds of work take up your body, too. There’s a picture of my great-grandparents on the step of their farmhouse; unlike their descendants, they are stick-thin. Physical work from sun-up to sun-down will do that to you. I can’t imagine that they were thinking about You, either, as they did their neverending work. I have it easy, that’s why I’m nattering on about You at the end of the day instead of falling into an exhausted sleep. Even though my work life is laughably easy compared to theirs, it absorbs me, and thoughts of You slip away.
September 2, 2020 COVID-19 Infections and Deaths